What gets me through.....

I never stopped to think about what gets me through tough situations but yesterday as I was describing my MRI scan experience to Andy I realised with utter clarity how things impact on me and how I get through them. When I was a child my Dad was my protector from the scary things in life,  he protected me from everything, but his own terrible violent temper. He believed in being strong and showing weakness was a definite no no. By the time I was thirteen I could certainly look after myself in all areas of my life and also was used to looking after my gentle,  scaredy cat, little sister Sharon. From then on I was fiercely independent and feisty and I took care of myself. Having children of my own brought out the lioness in me and my role of protector was even more reinforced. This has stayed with me and all my kids and grand children know that they are safe with Mum/Nanny whatever happens. I know that the end of my second marriage came when I was 8months pregnant with Kaye and got into an altercation with my ex husband. Unbelievably her Dad who was present at the time did nothing when my ex husband went to hit me and pushed me. I for once was not physically able to defend myself although I did give him a good crack back. I never felt the same about Kaye's dad after that. When he should have grown a pair and stood his ground he didn't. Shortly after Kaye was born we separated and divorced. I'm rambling on a bit now but this all fits together. My beloved Andy earned my respect and admiration very soon after I met him, we were just friends at the time and he stepped in to intervene between a violent boyfriend and myself, despite the fact he was only half his size. He has consistently shown his metal over the 27years + we have known each other and for that I will eternally admire and respect him. I realised while I was inside the noisy,claustrophobic MRI scanner that it was him I was closing my eyes and thinking of to quell the awful rising panic that was trying to engulf me. The whole thing lasted nearly 20minutes and for the whole time I had to resist the urge to press the panic button and control my urge to move. I kept on thinking that it was all OK as Andy was sitting waiting for me,  just outside and that I would be alright. When I did emerge and leave the room, there he was,  as I knew he would be and when he put his arms around me I felt as though a burden had lifted from me. Later that night I tried to explain the insight I had had and told him that I felt that he was there to protect me when I needed it....his reply was simply, "but I always have been." I feel so blessed to have him in my life and mercifully I don't need much protecting as those of you who know me will be fully aware. But knowing he is there for me when I need him to be, that he has always got my back is the kind of blessing that brings security and strength to my life and I am thankful for the honest, brave, caring, dignified and fun man that is my husband Andy.

My ROCK..in every sense!